Apples vs Doritos

OK, I'll admit it: I am an apple snob, so this is my rant triggered by a joke putting Doritos above apples (see below). IMO, apples are like grapes or wines and I think people that diss apples make a few gross mistakes: 

1. they buy apples by the bag or grab a random one from a bin,

2. they don't know a bad rotten or mealy apple from a good fresh apple,

3. they have not tried at least once all the top cultivars to find out which they like.