JMA-PSOS

I’ve seen some wild shit in my day, but nothing—nothing—prepared me for the leaked audio of Elon Musk sobbing to Donald Trump about Tesla’s nosedive. The world’s richest man, the guy who’s spent years cosplaying as Tony Stark, was reportedly bawling his eyes out in the Oval Office, begging the former President to save his crumbling empire.

Tesla’s stock, once the darling of Wall Street, is getting hammered. As I write this on April Fool’s Day (ironic, right?), TSLA is sitting at $222.15 after a brutal 15% drop in a single day last month—the worst since 2020. That’s down from a mid-December peak of $480, a jaw-dropping 50% haircut in just a few months. Investors are bailing, sales are tanking, and the public? Oh, the public hates Elon right now. Like, spray-paint-swastikas-on-Cybertrucks level hate. And this audio? It’s the sound of a man who knows the jig is up.

I’ve got no sympathy for the guy. Elon’s spent years building Tesla into a symbol of innovation, a middle finger to Big Oil, and—let’s be real—a cult for tech bros and stock pumpers. But he’s also spent the last year tying himself to Trump tighter than a MAGA hat on a hillbilly rallygoer, and that’s where the wheels started coming off. The backlash isn’t just loud; it’s visceral. Protests are popping up everywhere—hundreds of them, from Seattle to Miami, London to Berlin. The “Tesla Takedown” movement hit all 277 U.S. showrooms last weekend, with crowds chanting “Elon Musk, shame on you” and waving signs like “Honk if you hate Elon.” They’re not just mad; they’re organized. And they’re hitting him where it hurts: his bottom line, with the goal of “ZEROING” Tesla stock.

The numbers don’t lie. Tesla sales in Europe dropped 45% in January compared to last year—76% in Germany alone. Australia’s down 72%. China, a key market, is slipping too, thanks to competition from cheaper EVs and Elon’s cozying up to far-right politics. Used Tesla prices are cratering—Cybertrucks are fucking DISASTER —and trade-ins are at record highs, according to Edmunds. Owners are ditching their cars, slapping bumper stickers on them that scream, “I bought this before Elon went nuts.” Hell, even Sheryl Crow sold hers. That’s how toxic this brand’s gotten.

And the violence? It’s next-level. Charging stations torched near Boston. Shots fired at a dealership in Oregon. Molotov cocktails in Colorado. Swastikas scrawled on cars from Pasadena to Clermont. Trump’s calling these folks “domestic terrorists,” threatening 20-year sentences in El Salvador’s mega-prison, but it’s not slowing down. If anything, it’s escalating. The progressive group Indivisible’s out there with protest guides, and Hollywood’s jumping in—John Cusack’s railing against Elon, and Valerie Costa, a Seattle organizer, got personally targeted by Musk on X with zero evidence. He’s lashing out, and it’s pathetic because he’s pathetic.